Excitement, Chaos, & Peace

Many of you know that I have been on an adventure since the middle of January.  I left on a bright sunny morning with my car packed and headed south to find a new home with a much warmer winter climate.  Some of you were even inspiring me on Facebook during my travels.

​I would like to share what I experienced when my spiritual guidance (my heart) and my human self (my head) started colliding.  The results were sometimes painful, and at other times full of amazing fun or at least a laugh.  My hope is that my story "Excitement, Chaos, & Peace" will in someway assist you in understanding these new beautiful of 2017.   

My first stop was the Arlington/Alexandria area in VA. I enjoyed the old vs the new and was delighted to be out exploring and walking in the warm sun. I had planned to stay an extra day to participate in the "Women's March" in DC. MY friend JoAnn had lovingly made me a pink "Pussy Hat". Has I walked around the day before the march I was already meeting amazing women who had traveled from far and wide to be part of the march, 

I was really excited yet a little apprehensive to go off by myself on public transportation into downtown DC. I started at a nearby bus stop and by the next stop the bus began to fill with women wearing pink hats too. The metro station was a sea of people and we waited for 45 min.'s for an extra train that was added just for our stop. On the train not one more person could fit.

Next to me was a college student in a wheel chair. Her parents were with her to help her navigate.  She had never been on a train in her wheelchair much less a packed one. Women around us starting talking with us and one shared a beautiful pin with the young woman for her hat.

Women had made the journey to be heard, to be counted, to stand up for themselves, their children, the earth. I saw a few Trump signs but those around me were not protesting the new administration. They simply wanted a healthier, kinder future.

While I was excited and couldn't wait to reach my destination above ground, I was also aware of my mind's dialogue. So many fears, mine and others, about the safety of what I was doing.  All the times and ways that I have ever been in a large group, packed trains, or demonstrations, throughout time seemed to be shouting at me.  I watched as I became more courageous and cautions at the same time.

Once we arrived at the station we had to wait our turn to go up the stairs to the street. That was the 1st time I felt a push from behind. It was a young man and he immediately apologized saying he was being pushed from behind. I told him it was his job to protect me, with a smile, and he agreed. Once on the street it was immediately clear that seas of people were coming from every direction. I set off to find a restroom.

I was going down a small set of stairs to the street when once again I felt a push from behind, I went to step on the next step, my knee dislocated which can happen quickly, and I flew down the next three steps and landed in a sea of people on the sidewalk. A man that I had knocked into asked if I was okay along with a women who was an EMT who just happened to be right their. She wanted me to lay still I wanted to sit up and access the situation. Pain was my first thought along with the fear of of now what. I ended up in an ambulance with a bloody hand and arm that really hurt. 

My two way dialogue continued. "Just do some energy work and you will be okay, don't miss this day" vs "how am I going to get out of here with a hurt knee and an arm that seems to be hurting worse by the minute." The EMT's were starting to panic. They knew that their was not enough of them for the crowd. They didn't know if the ambulances could get out through the crowd.​ Trust me this did not help my fear level of how was I going to get out. My physical body started shaking and my arm pain increased and I took the ride offered to George Washington hospital.

Another lady was on the stretcher in the ambulance so I was sitting. It was quiet surreal to see the Washington sites go by as the ambulance passed by. When we arrived I stayed sitting as they took the other lady in on the stretcher. Honestly I was thinking that I was out of the crowd so I should just leave now before they come back for me. Flight, fright, and freeze is quite fun. One broken arm and dislocated elbow later and I was set to leave the ER with my new companion a green sling. Despite my injury I was glad I participated even though I spent most of my day with other injured women watching the march from the hospital TV. Has I was waiting for my ride a women in the ER waiting room came over to thank me.

It was a great day in history around the world. Many cities broke records for number of participates marching. MY daughter and grandsons marched in Minneapolis with friends. Thanks to all the women, children, and men who marched and to those that knitted wonderful pink hats for those who marched. My hat actually saved my head when it hit the sidewalk. Trust me it hit last and hard. When people gather around the world with common goals for more love and light on the planet it changes the very energy of our souls and everything around us. Well done.

I have a new appreciation for all of you who have ever broken a bone. I spent 2 extra days doing every energy technique I knew.  I reached out to my tribe to start sending energy. I attempted to sort out what was my fear and what belonged to others so I could clear all of that old emotion. Should I go back to NY, to my daughter's in MN, or continue on my way. My fears were slowing me down and my ability to be in the excitement of reaching for the future very muddled. ​

I convinced myself that I could indeed drive a car left handed to South Carolina. Mind you I couldn't even use my right arm to brush my teeth. I left VA and drove to Myrtle Beach, NC that first day. By the time I arrived my human self was winning. I was in the mist of falling apart when some part of me reminded me to breathe. Next I reminded myself that I was safe and just judging my surroundings as unsafe. I checked in with my angels and they said I would be find, so I calmed down. I quickly ate and fell asleep.

With a good nights sleep I moved on. I did a drive by of Murrell's Inlet, stopped for lunch in Georgetown, SC. It was a beautiful little town on an inlet with a boardwalk along the water. It is rich with history of rice plantations. I spoke with many locals and felt my sense of excitement and fun returning.

Next I noticed a sign for sweetgrass highway which I thought was just the name of a highway. Soon I saw shacks on the side of the road. My curiosity was growing. Since January is the slow season in SC it just looked like abandoned shacks, but then I saw that two in a row had cars stopped and basket hanging.  By the third open one I pulled over. This beautiful soul, Thelma, told me that she had learned from her grandmother and had been selling at her stand all her adult life except for the previous year when she was too sick. Her beautiful soul and talent filled my soul. If she could carry on and create these beautiful baskets, then so could I. 

On to Charleston with it's low country charm and historic beauty. I spent the day wandering around the city and soaking up history and sun. I have read so many books that tell the history and share the vibe of the past and present. It was fun to walk around streets with familiar names. Like many places I have visited in the south much of the fun is in the gardens hidden behind the houses and in alley's. I strolled into a couple like I belonged their just to get a peek.

I was staying on James Island and loved the neighborhoods built on the canals and the streets lined with old oak trees. I also visited Folly Beach known as the hippie beach in the area. Instead of one condo after another like in the Sullivan Island side, Folly Beach, for the most part, has kept it's older fun cottage look. It also has a huge public beach at the south end. I would find that all the parts of Charleston I really liked were the most popular. This makes it near impossible to find places to rent in my price range. For now a girl could dream.

My arm was feeling a little better but I wasn't my usual high energy self. Going down the road driving left handed with my right resting on a pillow was doable. My leg and knee were improving, but parking lots, and u-turns were wearing me out. I decided to head to my cousin's in Savanah to get off the road for a couple of days and give my arm time to heal. On the way I planned to check out Beaufort, and stop in the Hilton Head/Bluffton area for a night. I could easily return to these areas with a day trip from Savanah. By now I was aware that my broken arm was going to slow me down and make me dependent on the kindness of others. It was also becoming a ice breaker conversation starter since the green sling was the first thing people saw as I approached.

Before moving on I took an early morning detour to James Island to visit the "Angel Tree". Of course I would visit a 300 hundred year old tree with angel energy. The morning sun was beaming through the branches and I fell in love with the trees vibe. Since pulling up my roots in NY I had been kind of in a whirl of energy and it felt good to ground deep into the earth with this magnificent tree. I left feeling rejuvenated and grounded.

I had a wonderful walk around Beaufort, SC. I meant a realtor at lunch and that felt like a interesting sign. Then I spent a hour driving out of town and then back to see the beach which was closed for restoration from the hurricane last fall. Then on to Bluffton for the night.

The next day my airbnb host drove me around the Hilton Head/Bluffton area. What a wonderful moment to not be driving and have someone fill me in on the area with wonderful detail.  I knew Hilton Head would be expensive but wondered wether it had any public beaches and was delighted to find that it did. Bluffton is on the mainland right across from Hilton Head and I loved this little town. Once again so does everyone else. They can't keep up with the demand for housing which is driving up housing prices.

Savannah was not really on my radar for a new home as much as an opportunity to see my cousin and let my arm have a rest so it could heal. I did love Savannah and Tybee Island. Savannah has many squares, which are really parks, built into the city streets. The historic section along the river is full of shops, restaurants, beautiful homes, and flowering parks.

Leopold's ice cream shop is an adventure one should not miss. I would take my computer to the library and look out at the old oaks while I searched for apartments and leads in SC. Then in late afternoonI would head into the city for some outside sun and an ice cream treat.

Tybee Island is like Folly beach, with the cottage vs. condo feel enhanced by enough businesses that you could actually live their year round. So why not choose Savannah you might ask? My spiritual relocation team is advising me toward the Carolina's but I know I will visit Savannah again.     

I made a day trip to Hilton head and Bluffton from Savannah. I had my list of apartments to look at and was very excited. As the day went on I kept calling on the angels for help, but will admit that what I felt was discouraged. A recommended realtor only had a studio apartment available. Several places on my list had gates with codes and I couldn't get in. I was beginning to learn about the application process and credit approval and all the non-refundable fees. A property manager that I spoke with told me that the area was growing faster than the number of homes and driving prices up. The apartments that had been readily available for lower income families had been bought out, improved and were now expensive condos. 

Back to the drawing board. I decided that Charleston was a bigger area so certainly I would have more luck. I researched and left Savannah 2 days latter with a new Charleston list.​ After three more days of looking in the Charleston area and finding the same challenges as I had found in the Hilton Head area I was exhausted and really discouraged again.

I decided to point my car south once again this time toward my sister's home in Sturt Florida. I needed time to heal and nuture me while I came up with a better plan. I think you can see that my mind's fears, that I would never find a new home I can afford near the coast, were louder than the part of me that believes I am divinely guided and the manifestor of miracles.

I have been visiting my sister in Stuart, FL for several years now. It felt good to be familiar with my surroundings. I actually love the area, but really wasn't sure FL was for me. In the Carolina's I had been experiencing long sleeves and a vest or sweater. Nice winter weather for me. Now I was in short sleeves and sandals. Ok for summer but I do like some cool weather in the winter.

My sister encouraged me to stop looking on my own and to find a realtor. Everyone she knew had used one to find their rentals. She had a name so I called and starting looking in the area. It was so much easier to have someone else make appointments, pick me up, and drive me around. While in the end I decided I really didn't want to be that far south with summer temperatures year round, I now had a new rental finding tool.

I spent mornings walking the beach and talking to many about their living choices. Then I would research during the day, and return to the beach in the late afternoon to process my day's findings. I meant one particular man at the beach who ended up being a fun friend. It was nice have a supportive person to laugh with. It was also interesting to witness his responses and curiosity surrounding not only my journey, but my love of all things energy.

After week of recuperation and healing time, my sister was entertaining, so  I went on a weekend adventure to Orlando to visit my good friends from NY, and to Merritt Island to meet new friends. I am so glad for that weekend. The adventure up to this point had fun moments, but this weekend was just fun. No agenda just staying in the flow. Seeing my friends from NY was so freeing. I could be all of me. My editor of how much can I share of who I am in this moment had been running big time. I thought I was done with caring about other's judgements, but apparently not.

On Merritt Island I stayed with a wonderful airbnb hostess who lived on a canal. Moments after my arrival we were sharing a wonderful sunset. I read in the queen chair on the patio, meant fun housemates, watched a historic rocket launch, ate great food, and even kayaked off the back yard dock as a passenger, broken arm and all. It felt so good to just have fun.   

I returned to my sister's feeling centered and ready to enjoy life while continuing to look for a new place to live. My plan was to leave for Charleston area Friday morning. I needed to stay focused on getting my taxes done, and setting up appointments with 2 realtors in the Charleston area.

By Tuesday afternoon I was coughing.  My sister had been coughing most of the time that I was their, but she was finally feeling a little better. I got out all my herbs and made a quick trip out for golden seal.

By Wednesday I could tell something wasn't right with my urinary track. Not good for me since I only have one kidney. Back to the health food store.

By Thursday evening I was on the bathroom floor vomiting. If you don't know, I spent years on the bathroom floor vomiting for days with high fevers as a kid. Know one including the doctors knew why I was sick. As I lay their I was saying, "really first my arm, then this cough, and now we are going down memory lane all the way back to this?"

So what do we have in all of this? I am attempting to move into the future, reaching out with my arms to embrace all the universe has to offer, fear comes in and broken arm. I proceed and feel disconnected and worn out and pull in for safety with family. I know healing is important and want to listen to my body. While my arm is healing, I am also listening to my mind worry about money, details, and how is this ever going to work. I spend hours everyday with my computer making plans to get back on track, so I can leave family and find my new home. How many times have I done that in this life? Well quite a few.

Here I am getting ready to step out again, and my lungs act out, I can't catch my breath, and feel constricted, how is this ever going to work. Then lets pull out all the fear of the water element and have bladder and kidney act out. There you have it a perfect storm. Did I mention it is Thursday night and I am suppose to drive from Stuart, FL to Charleston, SC in the morning.    

I left Friday morning as planned with little sleep, my broken arm, cough, and urinary track infection. I know this may sound strange but it actually put a smile on my face to know just how far my body would go to show me my fears. My body was bringing it all to the forefront to be addressed. Isn't this exactly what we are here to do? Bring up all the old pieces to be healed then clear the old baggage so we can move on with ease and grace.  I was looking for ease and grace after all. While it was a long drive I was actually in pretty good spirits and looking forward to finding my new home.  

So why am I writing this to you from my daughter's in MN, instead of SC? Well I didn't trust. I didn't have faith that I could get financially approved. I didn't have faith that I could start a practice fast enough to pay the next month's rent. I wasn't sure I wanted to live 30 min north of the city and an hour from the beach. I wasn't sure I had pulled up my NY roots to live north of Charleston. My heart wanted to be close enough to walk to the beach. My heart wanted what my finances couldn't afford and I had lost faith in my ability to manifest miracles.  My mind was saying no you can't do this, run.

I took a whole day to talk to my wise friends, relax, consider. I didn't want to make a decision from fear. I went out to the beach, the very place I was trying so hard to live to listen to spirit. To my heart.

I decided to once again make a new plan. To go somewhere to get my finances strong enough to live the dream I choose. That somewhere for now is MN.  I was choosing to be here for the birth of my new grandson in May, so I said goodbye to the Carolina's for now, I pointed my car northwest. 

I actually didn't run like my mind wanted. I simply made a new choice. One that would help me to prepare for more of the practical issues of moving. This would go a long in calming my mind so I could listen to my heart.  It was like I had took off running not knowing what I was running into. In my process I gathered some very useful and practical info. I will be back ocean. I feel your strength, and your peace. I will be back.​

First stop north was Asheville, NC. Right from the beginning over a year ago, people were suggesting this mountain city to me. While I was intrigued by all I have heard I really wanted to be closer to the ocean. Here was my chance to at least do a drive through and see what everyone was talking about. While enjoying a late lunch the woman next to me offered to show me a fun old building full of local artist shops. I meant a local knitter and we shared a few laughs over my pink hat saving me from a head injury at the women's march. 

When I returned to my car on hour later in the rain, I found a ticket on my windshield. I approached the young man who had written the ticket to inform him that I still had time on my meter. He informed me that the ticket was for parking over the line and taking up two parking spaces. I told him I had parked between the cars present when I arrived.  He said not to worry he gave them tickets too.  I explained that I had been in his fair city for two hours and wondered if this was really how the city choice to treat visitors. Silence from both him and his partner. Goodbye Asheville from super friendly residents to super unfriendly tickets, just makes me wonder if it was worth the $10 dollars ticket vs the money I would have spent staying another day. 

I did enjoy the crisp mountain air and the views as I drove through the area and on into TN. I managed to get on the other side of all the mountain passes and tunnels before an intensive rain and wind storm hit. My target was a wonderful friend's home in Kentucky.

I was able to stay on her ranch for a week. What a gift to be welcomed with an open heart to stay as long as I needed. I was once again in a home where I was nurtured not only by the land, animals, and crystals, but my the generosity of human spirit of another healer.

I practiced living life without my sling full time. Walked on the earth. And into the earth at Mammoth Caves. Not quite sure what I was thinking going down and then up that many steps weeks after I had dislocated my knee and broke my arm. We all surprised that we had conquered our fears and survived the tour. My adventurer was taking charge again and not listening to my fearful mind.  ​

My last night my friend and did an energy session for me. She had the vision of me in the blocks ready to run the race but I was not quite balanced. That was a powerful image for me. I had taken off to find my new home with much excitement, but I didn't really have my balance. I hadn't done enough research and didn't have enough ducks in a row to calm my inner voice of fear.

 After this much needed rest I was ready to move on. My next stop was Chicago. By afternoon I found myself really working to keep the car on the road. The winds were blowing at 50 miles and hour from Indianapolis to Chicago.

By now I was very aware of how fast things were manifesting in my reality. If I became afraid or concerned about something, boom something showed up quickly to show me what my thoughts were up too. Here is one such example.

I was really concerned about the trucks and the wind and the games they seemed to be playing with each other. The interstate is only two lanes. So some were going slow, others were pulled over, and still others were in the passing lane with a kind of aggressive attitude. I was getting a little pissed at them and concerned for safety.

Some of you may remember my crash several years ago where the truck won and I ended up hanging from my seatbelt in my car that was now resting with the passengers side down on the highway and me up in the air.

So I am trying to calm down and find a safe place among the trucks. I am doing some figure 8's using my right arm a little more than I would have liked and inviting my angels in.  

I came up behind a car that had a paper temporary plate the was hanging on by a thread in the wind. I wondered just how I might tell the driver so they would be spared from loosing it all togehter. I pulled up next to the car and the lady was concentrating even harder than me and looked scared to death. I just passed on because I didn't see how I could do anything that would not scare her to death.

About 5 min's after a heard a short but loud noise and then watched as part of my car flew across the slow lane and into the ditch. I took a quick assessment and said it is not safe to pull over in all of this traffic and get out in the wild winds to search the ditch and figure out what I had lost. 

About 45 min.'s later I pulled off to get gas just before Chicago. I went in to use the restroom and get a receipt. Am I the only one who has to go in for my receipt? I was looking out the window to see what number pump and noticed I had lost my back license plate. That is what blew off.

At the moment this didn't seem to challenging, but the whole saga included: The screws breaking off and needing to be drilled out. Mailing plates back & forth to my brother for replacements while the car was off the road for a week. Making sure all my car paperwork had the same new address. My back gate not opening once the new plates were on. $228 dollars latter and the story was complete. I was worrying about the lady's paper plate and what challenge that might cause her and manifested my very own costly saga.  

I loved the mix of old and new in Chicago. I was staying two blocks from the lake in what used to be a primarily Jewish summer retreat from the city's summer heat . I liked having a beach and city that could be visited by train. I also enjoyed seeing the older apartment building along the train. In most of the cities I have visited there are only new condos along the train or lightrails.  The Chicago Cultural Center, was the first library after the Chicago fire. It was a wonderful building to explore and reminded me of the Boston Public Library that I visited last year. I am so glad that these buildings have been preserved and continue to be available to the public. It sits across the street from Cloud Gate, a huge reflective sculpture in the Millennium park. I will return to Chicago in the warmer weather to explore more. Once again I wondered how do I bi-locate like so many snow birds?

The last leg of my journey was across WI to Minneapolis. I walked on a 23 degree morning to the parking garage to retrieve my car by 8. My Chicago host had very lovingly gone with me to the garage the previous morning to attempt to take my front license plate and move it to the back. That is when we found that the back screws were very rusted and too tight to move. We had to put the plate back on the front because the plate was the identifying factor for the parking garage. I also wanted my car backed into the wall because it was packed. My job during the license plate removal was to smile at the security cameras in a way that would say this is my car and we are not trying to steal this plate.

The garage was a half a mile away from where I was staying so I returned to the apartment with the hopes that my angels were still holding the spot right out front so I could run in and collect my suitcase. (Remember broken arm) Getting stuff in and out of the car, and up stairs had been part of my challenge throughout the trip. To my surprise my loving host, who was asleep when I left for the garage, was standing on the sidewalk on this brisk morning with my bags. He helped me move the front plate to the back window for my drive and I was on my way.  

Chicago to Minneapolis. I am not sure why but this last day was full of physical challenges. I just couldn't get comfortable or wait to be out of the car. WI is full of hills and farms much like a day's drive though parts of NY.

Here is a little tidbit for you. I gave up listening to music in the car years ago. I like the quiet and the time to contemplate. I thought about slipping in a CD every once in a while but always said no.

Today I was contemplating why did I decide to come north now, it is still cold and I don't even have a winter coat with me. I had been in the south and the sun and really enjoyed the warmer weather. I understood the wisdom of the snowbirds who don't return north till at least April maybe even May.

How could I become a snowbird and enjoy the north and the south? Did I want too. What lay ahead for me in Minneapolis, how long would I stay. Where would I go when I left? Where could I drive my car too next? Who did I know in other parts of the country? Then back too are you kidding just get me out of this car.

Seven hours latter, I stopped at the MN welcome center and the woman told me I looked like a dear caught in headlights. I felt like it too.

I wasn't sure of anything and my roots had been pulled up on Jan 19th and it was now March 10th. I had driven 4963.4 miles with a broken arm, except for the first day, but really we are splitting hairs on this one. I had traveled through 15 states and an unforgettable train and ambulance ride through Wash. DC. I was constantly putting my roots down wherever I was just because I needed to feel grounded and have the earth's energies help me to release and heal. What I wasn't doing was putting them down in a new home like I thought I would be. 

I love being here with my family as we look forward to the new member who is about to join us. I grew up nurturing children, even as a child. Being here to nurture my family as we prepare for a new baby is a precious moment. A gift that I am glad to be a part of. I have started to connect with the healing community here and am loving meeting new people. I can't wait to see what the universe has in store for me next. I know that it is grander than anything I could have imagined with my human mind for myself.

I feel fortunate to have made this journey, to literally lightened my fear load and gained new insight into me. What I do like and what I don't. Where I do belong and where I don't. Where I feel nurtured and where I still feel misunderstood. ​Where I am comfortable being all of me and where I don't. And even more importantly why. Where I still need to unhook from other's judgements of me and mine of them. The question is not where will I go next, but who will I be when I go.

If you have made it this far I would love for you to leave a comment. It took me weeks to live this and three weeks to write, so give us all a few of your moments please and share.

What did you learn about yourself? What are you still afraid of, that is holding you back? Have you had a similar experience of feeling like everything is spinning out of control these first month's of 2017? Do you feel like and energy is pushing you toward something new? Have you experienced the quickening in the energy? 

Thanks for you comments, remember we are in this togehter. The energy of 2017 is new. We are at the beginning of a new 9 year cycle. What seeds do you want to plant and nurture over the next 9 years? The same old fears, or something new that is full of hope and inspiration? As always you get to choose. So will you choose big, choose new, choose love, choose compassion? Let's build a life we all love togehter.

Hugs,  Carol    ​